On Guilt And Shame Eclipse Season

This full moon lunar eclipse is very much an opportunity for me to recognize my worth and to really really recognize my worth in a lot of way, in so many different ways. There's been so many lessons that have come up in just these few short weeks that I've been nomadic. These opportunities to revisit things, which I guess that the that is the most important is these opportunities to try to make different choices, to see what we've learned.

Anyway, I am grateful for a friend that I have met here on this camping trip, I guess, that has helped me to recognize a lot of different things. First of which being that I hold all the power, I have always held all the power, and I did not realize that. And I think. I'm not proud. But I think that I intentionally sought to determine the extent of my power over a man. And just, I'm reminded that I have all the power. And I'm grateful for that opportunity.

I'm also grateful for that opportunity because it also allowed me to flex my power. And put up boundaries that were being tested fiercely.

And that is a different choice than I have made in the past, certainly. I also have had a more intimate experience in understanding the value of my energy and the things that I'm willing to share with people. And the ways that I'm willing to share with people. And I have to say that I am extremely proud of myself for my discretion in choosing how to invest my energy.

I am very, very proud of myself for the growth that I have experienced in that way.

I also recently have been having more forefront of mind dialogues with myself and others about trauma of religion and different types of traumas that I still carry with me, that stem from my experience from religion.

And that feeling of shame, guilt. I know those are human things. I know that those are everybody experiences those things. For some reason, for me, for my experience, with my mental wiring, that was religion was an extremely damaging experience for my sense of self-worth.

And I have struggled with that my whole life, feeling guilty, feeling ashamed, feeling like I've done something wrong, feeling and those feelings, also, started to be percolating in my experience here on this camping trip with the boundaries and stuff. Those feelings of shame and guilt, and I think as I fibbed to the firefighter personnel, but then I came back around and told him the truth and made it right. I found that some of my behavior was intentionally. It was intentional and not some of my proudest moments. And so, as that old programming would say, "I need to carry guilt and shame." Because I have, you know, these thoughts and feelings that are inappropriate and. And I kind of, I don't accept those feelings the same way.

I acknowledge that my choices were not entirely ideal. I also recognize that I did my best to correct the situation. I also recognize that I don't need to feel like shit about myself for those experiences.

And that is new, because there have been many times in my life where some of the decisions that I have made would cause me to feel, not great about myself for a significant amount of time. And those patterns of not feeling good about yourself, not thinking good things about yourself, like, you a ho. or whatever. Which I'm not. But I have dabbled. As have we all, I think. But I don't have to treat myself like crap over decisions that I've made at any point. I let that go. I am claiming that right this moment. I let it all go. I am grateful for what, each challenge, what each opportunity that has been presented has taught me or reinforced in me. I am so grateful for the opportunities to reevaluate.

The universe has been doing a very fantastic job of that for me, giving me these opportunities to experience something again in the same form, in a different form, and see how I choose to respond or see what that opportunity can either remind me or really solidify and teaching that I may learn and grow. That I may alchemize that energy and turn it into something else. That is what is happening with me in every single way.

I am being transformed in many ways.

I am being forged.

Like a sword. I am being forged.

And I say sword, but I don't intend for that to mean.. or indicate violence.

A sword is a physical representation of strength and power and embodiment and coming out of the fire as something stronger and better.

You know, also, the Phoenix.

I am the Phoenix.

I am the Phoenix.

And I'm so grateful for these opportunities to get to know myself, to observe my patterns of behavior in different circumstances. I am so grateful that I am being given these opportunities.

I love my life so much.

I'm so grateful for my life.

I am so grateful for my life.

I'm so grateful that I am walking along a road in the middle of the forest right now.

I just, it's just. Oh, it makes me so happy.

I'm so delighted. I love my life so much.

So this started I had a discussion of this. Yeah. The full moon, the full moon lunar eclipse in Virgo.

Which then also we still have on top of all this, we still have a second new moon in Virgo at 29 degrees. Which. Lord had mercy. Lord have mercy. I believe that is also, it must be.

That is also, the solar eclipse. Is it not on the 21st September?

My.. Oh, thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. Oh, thanks, guys. Thanks, guys, for the space. Oh. Thank you. Thank you. See, Doug. I see. Anyway, sorry. I'm walking on the white line on the highway, and these trucks, just four of them, real quick, like, just zoomed on past. quite close.

Anyway, all of these all of these eclipses are happening in Virgo, along with it's just…the odds. What are the odds? You know? And I'm so grateful that I get to be spending it here, where I am in the forest in the beauty of this forest.

I am so grateful for this opportunity.

I am so grateful for my life.

I'm so grateful for my life.

May We Learn and Grow

Please Prioritize Self-Care and Mindfulness

All My Love,

AbFabNerd