Lessons/Tests from the Universe

I've just been thinking about these opportunities that the universe keeps giving me to reevaluate, to remember or to reinforce choices that I get to make. And what choices I'm choosing to make and I keep saying out loud, I am so tired of all of these tests, which is true, I am. But it's also because I feel like, in a lot of the instances, I come out of the test feeling like I failed. Because I come out of it feeling like, oh, I wish I would have said that. Oh, I wish I would have done that. Oh, I wish I would have. You know, and feeling like some amount of dissatisfaction in myself for the way that I handled the situation.

But I think that I am looking at it, I am choosing to look at it in a different way. That these opportunities that I keep being given, even when I don't always make the right choice initially, I come back around to it and make the right choice. That is what I am observing thus far. So each of these opportunities each of these situations scenarios are giving me, even when I don't choose right... Sorry. Someone just stopped by and I got distracted. Even if I may not initially make the right choice, being given these opportunities allows me to ask myself the questions.

It allows me to find out from my gut instinct, when this happens, what do I do?

How do you respond?

Is this the way you want to respond?

Is this your knee jerk reaction to respond? How do you navigate that situation, your immediate reaction? And then, realizing what is happening in that knee-jerk reaction, being aware enough to make a different choice and calling it out. Making the choice that you want to make, even if you may not have initially, you're given the opportunity to say, "Okay, this is what I, by default would do. What am I going to choose differently?" And then you choose the different path. You choose the different response. You choose the different action.

So yes, I keep being tested.

And yes, I keep fucking them up. I keep fucking up.

But that is not the point of the test. The point of the test is to see if I can identify a pattern of behavior that I no longer choose to resonate in.

If I can see it, if I can change it.

And as far as that goes, while I may have initially failed, the turnaround gives me passing with flying colors. Because I can tell that my responses are different. I can tell that I am choosing something different. Because that initial knee jerk reaction to situations no longer serves me. It does not serve the person that I am now, and that I want to embody moving forward. And I have been presented with that choice of energies. I have been able to see what I usually choose, and I've chosen something different.

And those are the moments in life that change you.

Those are the experiences that change how we navigate in this world.

Getting that test again, as many fucking times as we hate that test. Getting it again, seeing how we respond on impulse, and having an awareness to see that that is a pattern of behavior that we no longer wish to embody and choosing something different.

That's all. That's all we have to do.

That's all we have to do.

Choose something different. Change your variables. Change those knee jerk reactions.

Believe that you have the power to.

Instead of getting upset with yourself for having to redo the tests, like I have for so long, being so, like, why can't I just learn it the first 12 times or whatever? Instead of being upset about that and feeling like, "Oh, I'm such a failure", 'cause I keep doing the wrong thing, I keep making the wrong choice.

Well, it's only the wrong choice if you stay there. Like it's okay to make that wrong choice, but then understand that you made the wrong choice and change it.

You can pivot, we can always pivot. We get I can think sometimes stuck in a pattern of thinking about something that makes it almost impossible for us to choose something different. But we can choose something different. And for some of us, myself, I need to choose something different, and I did choose something different. So, when we get these tests, may we think about them differently. May we see them as further opportunities to hone in on what is most important to us and live within the values that we currently have, or decide that maybe we should improve our values and choose something different.

Okay. That's all for today. It's getting steep.

All my love,

AbFabNerd