Renae Hines 10/16/25 Renae Hines 10/16/25

Addiction Rock Bottoms

People talk about rock bottom like it’s the moment everything changes…that one crushing event that finally forces you to get clean, face yourself, and rebuild.
But addiction doesn’t care about your rock bottom.

I learned that the hard way. I hit plenty of “bottoms”, shameful nights, waking up in strange places, hurting people I loved and none of them made me stop drinking. Each one just added more guilt, more self-hatred, more reasons to pour another drink.

The truth is, rock bottoms don’t save you. They bury you deeper.
Addiction feeds on shame. The lower you sink, the stronger its grip becomes.

I didn’t stop drinking because of some catastrophic event. I stopped because I was tired, tired of feeling awful in every possible way. What finally broke the cycle wasn’t tragedy; it was something embarrassingly simple: vanity. I was tired of feeling unhealthy, tired of the weight I carried, inside and out.

That decision to do Dry January cracked something open.
It wasn’t about willpower or punishment. It was about wanting peace more than I wanted oblivion.

Peace became my turning point.
Once I realized I preferred remembering my nights to regretting them, everything shifted. I stopped romanticizing the chaos and started falling in love with calm.

Addiction didn’t care about my rock bottoms. But I did.
And choosing peace, choosing myself is what finally brought me home.

I wish for you healing and personal growth.
Please prioritize self-care and mindfulness.

All my love,
AbFabNerd

Renae Hines 10/5/25 Renae Hines 10/5/25

Presently Prioritizing Peaceful Passage

Peace is my highest value. It hasn’t always been this way. For years I carried a simmering anger I couldn’t name—an inner dissatisfaction I tried to numb with distraction, addiction, and drama. I longed for peace but didn’t know how to claim it.

Then came a turning point. In 2020, during Dry January, I finally chose to stop numbing and start healing. I wanted mornings without regret, nights without apologies, and a life free from the endless cycle of self-punishment. Choosing peace wasn’t easy—but it changed everything.

Today, peace lives in my soul. It grows stronger every time I follow through on my promises, nourish my body and spirit, and practice the small daily deeds that keep me grounded. Nature, mindfulness, and forgiveness feed this quiet strength. I can’t undo the pain of the past, but I can forgive myself, do better, and keep choosing calm over chaos.

“Presently Prioritizing Peaceful Passage” is my mantra and my mission. It’s an invitation to cultivate a peace that passes all understanding—a peace that’s real, deep, and absolutely possible for you too.

I wish for you a soul-deep peace and personal growth.
Please prioritize self-care and mindfulness.

All my love,
AbFabNerd

Renae Hines 10/1/25 Renae Hines 10/1/25

Addiction Adores Absolute Adherence

Addiction wears many disguises. Some are obvious—drugs, alcohol, gambling. Others slip in quietly: shopping, scrolling, chasing likes, obsessing over perfection. The behaviors look different, but the root is the same: a desperate need to numb pain or distract from it.

Addiction adores absolute adherence.
It thrives on routine, demanding loyalty to the very habits that hurt you. The longer you obey, the worse you feel, and the more you reach for the thing that keeps you low. It’s a loop designed to keep you stuck.

Recovery can’t be forced by a court order, a partner’s ultimatum, or a scare tactic. True change begins when you decide you deserve better. No one can give you the belief that you are worthy of love, healing, and freedom—except you.

Maybe your addiction is easy to spot. Maybe it hides behind “healthy” habits: cleaning, dieting, constant productivity. If you feel disoriented when you can’t perform a ritual, if you cling to a behavior as if it defines you, that’s addiction’s quiet grip.

But here’s the truth:
You can break the loop.
You can change the rules.
You can choose to stop punishing yourself and start loving yourself instead.

Stay mindful of what controls you. Question what you feel compelled to obey. Healing begins when you see the pattern and believe you deserve to break it.

I wish for you healing and personal growth.
Please prioritize self-care and mindfulness.

All my love,
AbFabNerd

Renae Hines 9/27/25 Renae Hines 9/27/25

Authenticity

Confessions: Finding My Voice

Maybe I should start with a confession.
Because if you’ve battled addiction, you probably don’t want to hear another polished speech from a counselor who—at least in your mind—has a picture-perfect life. Someone who couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to wake up every day with a body that’s begging for escape. I know that feeling. I’ve sat in the back of those rooms, arms crossed, silently screaming, “Shut the fck up.”*

I’ve been there.
I’ve done that.

When someone tries to talk to you about addiction, every muscle tightens. You don’t even want to talk to yourself about it, much less to a stranger who might write your words down and use them against you. It’s easier to stay silent, to keep the worst of it locked behind your teeth, because admitting the truth—out loud—feels like handing someone a weapon.

That’s why sharing my story matters.
Not in a TED Talk kind of way. The people I want to reach aren’t necessarily scrolling motivational videos; some are drunk, high, or simply surviving. They’re in court-mandated classes, sitting in clinic waiting rooms, riding buses, staring out of train windows. Those are the spaces where my words need to land.

My AbFabNerd alliterations were born for exactly that purpose—to slip small sparks of truth into everyday places. But to make them real, I have to be real. F-bombs and all. I can’t hide the messy parts of my journey just to stay marketable. Authenticity is the bridge that lets people know I actually get it.

The challenge is balance. Some folks will tune out the minute I swear or mention sex. Others will only listen because I refuse to sugarcoat anything. I’m inconsistent, sure—but so is healing. And if my story helps even one person feel seen, then every uncomfortable truth is worth it.

I wish for you healing and personal growth.
Please, always prioritize self-care and mindfulness.

All my love,
AbFabNerd