Addiction Rock Bottoms
Addiction Rock Bottoms
People talk about rock bottom like it’s the moment everything changes…that one crushing event that finally forces you to get clean, face yourself, and rebuild.
But addiction doesn’t care about your rock bottom.
I learned that the hard way. I hit plenty of “bottoms”, shameful nights, waking up in strange places, hurting people I loved and none of them made me stop drinking. Each one just added more guilt, more self-hatred, more reasons to pour another drink.
The truth is, rock bottoms don’t save you. They bury you deeper.
Addiction feeds on shame. The lower you sink, the stronger its grip becomes.
I didn’t stop drinking because of some catastrophic event. I stopped because I was tired, tired of feeling awful in every possible way. What finally broke the cycle wasn’t tragedy; it was something embarrassingly simple: vanity. I was tired of feeling unhealthy, tired of the weight I carried, inside and out.
That decision to do Dry January cracked something open.
It wasn’t about willpower or punishment. It was about wanting peace more than I wanted oblivion.
Peace became my turning point.
Once I realized I preferred remembering my nights to regretting them, everything shifted. I stopped romanticizing the chaos and started falling in love with calm.
Addiction didn’t care about my rock bottoms. But I did.
And choosing peace, choosing myself is what finally brought me home.
I wish for you healing and personal growth.
Please prioritize self-care and mindfulness.
All my love,
AbFabNerd
Addiction Recovery
Addiction recovery isn’t a straight line—it’s a series of awakenings.
For me, it began in a courtroom. Court-mandated classes. AA meetings. The boxes I had to check to prove that I was trying. I understand that AA saves lives and helps countless people find community and accountability. But it didn’t work for me.
I remember sitting in those meetings, still drinking every day, still numbing. I wasn’t ready to stop. The idea of a life without alcohol felt impossible. Who would I be at the pool? At a party? On a dance floor? Sobriety sounded like boredom—like losing my identity.
But the truth was, alcohol had already stolen my peace.
My turning point came through Dry January—a “temporary challenge” that turned into transformation. I didn’t quit drinking forever; I simply decided not to drink today. That mindset shift changed everything. My body adjusted first, then my mind, then my spirit. I realized I didn’t need alcohol to be fun, interesting, or alive.
Now, years later, I don’t drink because it doesn’t align with my top value: peace.
Recovery for me wasn’t about replacing one addiction with another—it was about reclaiming my power to choose.
If AA, therapy, community, or mindfulness helps you, embrace it. Recovery looks different for everyone. But I hope you find what I found: the strength to choose peace over punishment, and presence over numbness.
May we learn and grow.
Please prioritize self-care and mindfulness.
All my love,
AbFabNerd
Authenticity
Confessions: Finding My Voice
Maybe I should start with a confession.
Because if you’ve battled addiction, you probably don’t want to hear another polished speech from a counselor who—at least in your mind—has a picture-perfect life. Someone who couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to wake up every day with a body that’s begging for escape. I know that feeling. I’ve sat in the back of those rooms, arms crossed, silently screaming, “Shut the fck up.”*
I’ve been there.
I’ve done that.
When someone tries to talk to you about addiction, every muscle tightens. You don’t even want to talk to yourself about it, much less to a stranger who might write your words down and use them against you. It’s easier to stay silent, to keep the worst of it locked behind your teeth, because admitting the truth—out loud—feels like handing someone a weapon.
That’s why sharing my story matters.
Not in a TED Talk kind of way. The people I want to reach aren’t necessarily scrolling motivational videos; some are drunk, high, or simply surviving. They’re in court-mandated classes, sitting in clinic waiting rooms, riding buses, staring out of train windows. Those are the spaces where my words need to land.
My AbFabNerd alliterations were born for exactly that purpose—to slip small sparks of truth into everyday places. But to make them real, I have to be real. F-bombs and all. I can’t hide the messy parts of my journey just to stay marketable. Authenticity is the bridge that lets people know I actually get it.
The challenge is balance. Some folks will tune out the minute I swear or mention sex. Others will only listen because I refuse to sugarcoat anything. I’m inconsistent, sure—but so is healing. And if my story helps even one person feel seen, then every uncomfortable truth is worth it.
I wish for you healing and personal growth.
Please, always prioritize self-care and mindfulness.
All my love,
AbFabNerd
WHAT KIND OF COOKIES ARE YOU MAKING?
What kind of cookies—and life—are you making? This holiday season, join AbFabNerd as we bake our way into self-discovery! With humor and heart, our latest blog delves into the parallels between crafting delicious holiday cookies and designing a fulfilling life. From recipes and ingredients to tools and recipients, discover how each choice shapes the outcome. Whether you're stirring up holiday magic or setting intentions for the new year, this thoughtful read will inspire self-awareness and growth. Visit now to lead with love, embrace your power, and savor every moment of the season!